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The alarm bells reached peak decibel in November, when Dallas Police Sergeant Louis Felini told the The Dallas Morning News that between 50, and , prostitutes could descend on the metroplex for the Super Bowl. The call to outrage had sounded. His estimate was astonishing. At the higher figure, it meant that every man, woman and child holding a ticket would have their own personal hooker, from the vice presidential wing of FedEx to Little Timmy from Green Bay.
And if you believed a study commissioned by the Dallas Women's Foundation, the hordes would include 38, underage prostitutes. Official Dallas would not be caught flat-footed. They featured flashing photos of busted johns, warning visitors: We don't take kindly to perverts like you, son.
Even the Shapiro Law Firm leaped in. Noting that an estimated 40, hookers showed up in Dallas for the NBA All-Star game last year, it wanted to make sure that, should a hedge fund manager find himself ensnared in naked compromise, "our attorneys provide experienced defense for sex crimes, including the solicitation of a prostitute. The city was gearing up for a massive invasion of skanks and sex fiends. It would be like Normandy, only with way more plastic surgery—the largest single gathering of freaks and pedophiles the world has ever seen.
At least outside of a Vatican staff meeting. But if Dallas is like any other Super Bowl—or Olympics or World Cup, for that matter—today's four-alarm panic will tinkle as softly as a servant's bell by next week. All evidence says that America's call girls will be at home, watching the game of TV, just like you and me. Read between his very terse lines, and you can tell that Brian McCarthy isn't happy.